"To love and be loved..." Though we may deny it, that is the one thing that every woman desires from her friends and family. To have it makes our lives like sunshine; to lose it is like living in the depths of darkness. We will do anything and give anything for those whom we truly love, and count it as nothing. Yet, to lose the love or respect of anyone close to us is like a sword piercing our very soul. Nothing seems to have the ability to raise us up...
This is because we tend to not look to God for help and assistance in our hour of need. He is the only one who will always be faithful to us, always cherish us, and always love us. It is true that sometimes He seems distant and does not answer our prayers right away, but there always is a good reason for His doing so. I have especially learned in the past six months that when we forget God and turn only to people in times of distress; we will never be happy or find peace. God is the source of all joy, and if we ignore Him, why would He ever bestow it upon us? He alone truly appreciates all our efforts to become a better person, and understands when we fall. Every other friend or family members will always find fault in us or some reason to be angry, displeased, or annoyed with us.
Everyone has their greatest weakness, and mine is human respect. In the past years of my life I have always picked out one person out of everyone I knew to lean on and be my guide and helper. As long as they were by my side, I could tackle anything. However, within a couple or a few years that person would either cut all ties with me or be taken out of my life, and I would start falling and find the smallest things in life difficult. I used to complain about this to God, and from the time I was a very little girl I used to implore Him to send me just one person who would always be there for me. Yet, God in His great wisdom chose not to answer my ardent plea.
Then, one day I was reading a book by the Most Reverend Father Faber called, Growth in Holiness. In it he has wrote a section on "Human Respect" and how it often brings the most pious souls to damnation. Upon reading it, I was suddenly hit with the realization that this was certainly my greatest fault. Had I not always sought, above all else, to have someone to be pleased by and appreciate all of my efforts? How God must have grieved over my lack love for Him, when I sought only mere humans to trust, confide and lean on rather than Him!
In the past few months I have tried to overcome this terrible defect in myself, and I always seem to find myself slipping back into it. Yet, I know that until I overcome this fault, I shall never be strong and able to proceed further on the road to sanctity. So, I am determined to work on it and overcome my weakness in its regard; through prayer, penance, help from the saints and the grace of God. I pray that God may do the same for all who wish to become true ladies; dependent on God rather than mankind!